Nice concept, right?
Recently my life and my future has been ripped out from the roots or so I thought.
No matter how much, "It's for the best.", or that I even did it (or did I), Letting go of comfort and of the known is a scary freakin feeling.
Before me lies a blank piece of paper and I get to write my future on it. As much as we all think we want it (be careful what you ask for), when you have it, it can be.... very scary to say the least.
No matter how much planning I have done, no matter how much work, manifesting, asking, praying, controling, wishing, intending, begging, bargaining, pushing, pulling, and forcing I have done, my life is nothing like I antipated. Today is nothing like I thought it would be, Not even from a year ago and certaintly not what I was planning for five years ago. Not one thing in my life is as I thought, wanted, planned, or wished for five years ago. Nor do I have the same desires for it to be so.
So why do we push so hard for what we THINK we want in our future. Because I guarantee it won't happen that and way, and more importantly when the future arrives you won't want what you did now.
Now lay before me, a blank piece of paper. This is freedom, I have before me freedom, real freedom and yet I don't know what to do with it. Its scary, its new, its unpredictable.
When most of us obtain the freedom we seek, we look back and wish we still had out ties. Because being free is scary, the future unknown. So we create more ties out of fear, we actually want to be tied down. As much as fight against it, we want nothing more than to have it even if its unpleasant ones because at least we can see tomorrow. But that is all false because no matter how many ties, attachments, creations you have today, I guarantee they will not be what you think they will be in a year let alone five.
Shall I start marking my piece of paper? Shall I start giving it a direction, that will make me feel secure, that will make me feel like I know. But I don't.... No matter what color I put on that paper, it will change into another, no matter how hard I try to keep it that color. Change is inevitable. So instead of trying to force color on my blank piece of paper, out of fear out of needing some familarity why not allow the paper to stay blank. Let it color itself in the moment.
I look back at all the ways I contained myself over the years in order to obtain what I thought I wanted. Did you know I no longer want that, I want beyond it. I suppressed my desires, my expressions, my mistakes only in hopes of creating the perfect future that I had painted in my mind.
I guess what I am saying is I made decisions, said things and done things according to what I thought I wanted in the future. Except that future never came, that idea of what I wanted doesn't exist anymore. Now all those actions where taken in order to create something today where there is no longer a desire for it be created.
Can you guys understand this? Do you guys understand how significant this is? Next time someone tells you to act rationally, say f*ck it. Life is not predictable. Sure play it safe. Stay in a job you hate, because you don't have the time to pursue your true desire, and risk never waking up with a smile on your face excited to go to work. Stay with a man that is there, because you are scared you won't find anything better and are scared to be alone, why he isn't that bad anyways, and risk never living your life with the person who makes you feel loved and you have passion with every minute of the day. Tell your kids to be quiet, mold them into perfect well behaved children, because you might look like a bad parent as they burst out screaming with laughter and play in an innappropriate place, and risk suppressing your children from who they truly are and creating a life of pain and misery. Don't ask that person out, they might say no, and risk them being the ONE who dramatically changes your life.
"Live boldly." So much easier said than done. Or hell do what I did, ask the source for freedom, ask the source to truly live your life with joy and excitement everyday and trust me you will be given nothing more than opportunities to truly be free, you will have no other choice.
Go ahead play it safe. I know I sure have. And when your on your death bed remember how many minutes you lived planning for a future that never came.
Here is your chance, your chance to truly live. Because I promise you,
TOMORROW WILL NOT CONSIST OF WHAT YOU ARE PLANNING IT TO BE.
Think about today, how many things happened today that you had no clue and you couldn't have predicted would happen.
I knew I would take my son to school today, I knew I would go to work. I didn't know what song was going to play on the radio and set my mood for the day. I didn't know each and every person that was going to walk into my work. I had no idea that my friend was going to say the things she said to me. I had no idea the interactions I was going to have, the emails I was going to receive, the phone calls I was going to get, the news I was going to get. Are we seriously going to spend our day tomorrow planning for the next day when 99% of what we plan for is not going to happen?
This is scary, this is exciting, this is freeing, and this is eye opening.
I am scared sh*tless. It's time to wake up and start living, at least for me it is. And to be honest right now I have no other choice. I have a BLANK piece of paper.
Take risks, stop playing it safe, stop being cautious. Start speaking the truth, living the truth and f*ck anyone who doesn't like it (thats said with love).
IT'S TIME TO LIVE!!!!!!!!!!
Boy what a huge statement to live up to. I better be careful, the universe is listening.
I could throw myself a pity party, my life is taking a huge gigantic turn, get mad. It didn't turn out the way I planned it to. But do I really want it to? Or I can get excited about what this means, it means growth, it means new adventures, it means I get to be surprised.
I have always wanted to have profound pleasant surprises in my life. You know those wonderful things that happen to you that you could never imagine happening to you and they are so amazing.
I guess my point is, NOW I have no other option other than to face the fact that I don't know what tomorrow holds for me. But in this lesson I have learned, we NEVER know what tomorrow holds for us, we only think we do.
