Dramatic changes in the direction of my life. (Deceit, Betrayal, & a New Life)

I took a trip to Sedona, AZ in the beginning of July.

I was told while in Sedona, which is a very spiritual place, that I was in the beginning of some huge shifts in my life.

They weren't kidding.

Within days of arriving home from Sedona, I discover that the man I thought of as my beloved partner who I was devoted to, was not the man I thought he was at all. It turned out he was living a double life and everything I knew about him was a lie.

Anyone who knew me, knew how much I loved that man. I would have stood by him until the day one of us died. This was by far the hardest and most painful things I have ever gone through.

I can tell you through all of it and still going through it, that I definitely know what I want in life. I sacrificed myself for four and half years. I put myself before him because of my immense love for him. Within seconds of discovering who he really was, I knew my life would change forever. There is not much a person can do to make me CLOSE down completely to them for good. I went from completely devoted to him to completely closed to him within the matter of hours.

I can say with confidence that there is NOTHING he could say or do that would have me want him in my life. I have zero desire for him in my life.

I was surprised to see this in myself. I have always been intelligent and a pretty determined person. But my emotions have been my weakness. I was happy to see that there was a line I wouldn't let someone cross and that I had boundaries, although it should have happened much sooner.

And although at times the hurt has been very hard, I am very happy with my life. I feel very free. Not in the sense of not being tied to someone but in the sense of being myself. I see I played small in my relationship. I bought into his opinions. The fear of losing something/someone will always confine you. Living with so much less fear is liberating.

I can tell you that my world is expanding at rapid speeds. The funny thing is from the outside, there may not be much obvious change other than not having a deceitful boyfriend anymore but inside me so much has changed.

I feel happier, less anxiety, excitement for my future, and on the verge of some huge things happening.

I am so happy I had no ties to him. That I was so lucky to get a clean break.

Now anything is possible.

I thought I would never be attracted to another person the way I was attracted to him and I can just say that was completely untrue.

I truly enjoy getting to know other people, other men, and most of all getting to know myself.

I have an amazing friend (Thank you, JOSH!) who has really been helping me raise my vibration. My son told me that I seem more "lively". What a wonderful thing to be called. My relationships with almost everyone are becoming much more deeper.

I am reconnecting with friends with whom I missed so much.

Although scary, hard, and hurtful this has been magical, wonderful, and super empowering.

I used to be scared to declare what I want. To go BIG. I felt weird, scared, and really just not worthy of "going big" in life.

Now I can. I want it all. I am asking for it all. AND I am going after it all!

Including: Making a very good living doing something I truly love, A wonderful fulfilling relationship with a man who respects and adores me, a healthy beautiful body, and lots of amazing people and opportunities.

I can see it possible now to truly enjoy my life.

I hope to never give my power away again. And I am working on it make sure of it.

I am even becoming creative. Having desires to garden, paint and express myself in ways I never thought of before. Dancing and even singing!

It just feels so good to let "me" be free and enjoy life.

My main intention is to learn how to do this more and more and more. Within relationships, within my career, within my entire life.

How did I ever think I could be happy with that man.

I guess my point is, even though sometimes things are hard and are very very "wrong", we can still gain from them.

What that man did was very wrong and very harmful. He has some major issues! But I can dwell on what he did to me or I can focus on who I am. And you know what. I am an honest person. I am a person who loves with all my heart. I am a person who is loyal and respectful. I am a person who is open minded and loves to grow. I am a person who is not capable of hurting someone that way. And you know what.... I LOVE THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And to be honest I still love him. I love who he was with me. I love a part of him that I know I truly felt. But I have no desire for him in my life. I desire SOOOOO much more.

My world just got a whole lot bigger.

I still have a lot to work to go through, a lot of growth. I still hurt sometimes in ways I wish on NO ONE. And I am pushing through it and I WILL get through it. And I will LOVE again.

Next time I won't hold back, I won't hold back because I wont have any reason to.

Thanks for listening.

Amazing stuff to come.