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Good Friends and Past Friends! What is my role?

I am wondering where the balance lies between creating boundaries (loving and respecting oneself) and accepting someone as they are (unconditional love).

I am really working through this concept of friends. I know I have had many many great people in my life. I know I have very positive intentions and would never hurt someone intentionally. I know I love to make people happy and love to see them have what they want. Yet, friends seem to drift away in my life. They are still there but neither I nor the other person makes an effort to connect.

I have always felt that I am the one that made all the effort to keep friendships alive with exception to my friend Melissa. I text people to get together, I call or email, I make the connection for a while but ultimately I am also the one that lets the friendship die. Something always occurs that makes me distance myself.

Now I am coming to a point where I am starting to question this. Over the years, I have built some very deep friendships with Vicki and Crystal. Who are two people I can trust without a doubt, people who respect me and whom I respect. Friends I love very deeply.

But with all these dozens of other people in my life (past friendships) still around and still experiencing "old stuff" between myself and the other person, I can't help but question the role I played in the breakdown in these friendships. And how much of that still needs to be worked through and healed within myself.

Some of these people in my past have hurt me, some of them disrespected me, some probably felt disrespected by me but what is it that I need to heal within myself in order to heal some of these relationships, as well as let some others go.

I have no desire to have people in my life that don't respect me or like me. I am okay with that and don't need others to like me. But what I find I do need is for others to be honest about who they are and what they feel. I have discovered I am still attracting more people into my life that create a sense of confusion and make me doubt myself. What is still alive within me that is attracting these people to me?

How do we know who to trust? How do we know what issues we are creating because of insecurities within ourselves and what issues are actually real and a true concern?


I see how it's hard for me to be vulnerable with people. Does this create an "energy" or "sense" of competitiveness or protection against them?

I fear the second someone is not perfect that I become protective which causes unnecessary strain on friendships. However, I also fear not protecting myself from people who are hurtful and don't have my best interest in mind.

How do you distinguish between the two? How do I find the healthy balance of those two?

Whatever it may be, I hope to work through the issues that cause me to be distant, defensive and protective towards those who deserve trust and respect. And I hope to get to a place where I automatically keep distance from those who are not healthy for me.

I welcome any light into this, any feelings you get from me, thoughts, concerns or your own experience with me that you feel is relevant. For personal feedback email me: LoveGrowth@gmail.com

I respect when someone can be brutally honest with me. The reason why Vicki and Crystal are so close to me is because they understand me, they don't take my forward honesty as an attack and also because they are bluntly honest with me so I have a deep respect for them.

Without honest feedback from those around us, we are not able to see ourselves from another persons perspective. I owe a lot of my growth to those who have had the courage to be honest with me and to not be offended by my honesty (which truly comes from my heart).

I look forward to hearing from you.

Loving and Joy,
Tiffany


P.S. If I have ever offended you or anyone by my very direct honesty, I apologize that is never my intentions. When I care about someone, is when I am the most honest and forward. When I do not give feedback is when I don't really care. So please, If I ever seemed to be harsh on you, its only because I cared. It is only who I am and not an attack. However, I realize I can be a bit more compassionate and address things from a place that doesn't seem judgmental, I will work on it. Lots of Love


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