Life just never happens the way we plan!

I believe that life never goes as planned. And I don't like that, its not comforting and at the moment actually rather upsetting.

Some, very few, will say that life unfolds better than what we had planned. But what I hear in that statement is pain. What I hear is you don't get what you want out of life? And that just sucks.

Maybe I am just having a moment but I was a bit disturbed when this concept was pointed out to me.

So if I plan to spend the rest of my life with the man I love, that means it won't unfold that way because that is what I plan.

If I plan to have two more kids, that means it won't happen because I plan it that way.

If I plan on being happy and healthy for a long time, that means it won't happen because I plan it that way.

If I go to school, educate and train myself so that I can be successful in business and have a rewarding and fulfilling career that means it won't happen because I plan it that way.

How can that not be depressing?

I have read so many self help books with such opposing opinions on this subject. Some preach "He who fails to plan, plans to fail." others say "Life is what happens to you while you're busy making plans" and even “Seek not that the things which happen should happen as you wish; but wish the things which happen to be as they are, and you will have a tranquil flow of life." or "Go with the flow."

I have been taught that our intentions are what creates our life/future but isn't that planning something, intending it to be so?

I am coming to the conclusion that we have no choice but to go with the flow of life. No matter what we plan we have no control over what actually unfolds. Yet we try so very very hard to dictate how our lives go.

With every fiber in my being I hope to get to spend the rest of my life happily with the man I love. But confronting the fact that not only are his choices not in my control but more disturbing my own choices, feelings, and life is not really in my control either. This is so disturbing to me. On top of that we can not control what life does to us, accidents, diseases, etc.

I also want to feel good, be happy and live a long healthy life. But no matter what I eat, how much I exercise, or what actions I take I can not control how life unfolds.

The only thing and I mean the absolute ONLY thing we can control is how what happens in life affects us. We can control what we think about, what we put our attention and focus on, and where we put our energy. We have no control over ANYTHING else.

Put simply we can be a victim or we can choose how we respond to what life throws our way. We do not have control over what is thrown our way. We can try and resist as much as we can but the force of life/source/god is powerful beyond any force you may individually have.

Do I trust life not to throw me some mean sh*t? Hell no, I know better. But I hope it spares me a little and at least gives me the things that mean the most to me. My love ones. Even then I will experience loss.

I don't write this to be depressing. Although it can seem that way. I write this as a reality check for myself and for anyone else who may have the desire to read it. I write this because the last three weeks have been a haze and roller coaster wrapped up in one. I had to confront my life, head on. But more importantly as I drew people in closer to me, my eyes were opened to the fact that we all have "stuff" in our lives which we can justify being a victim to, or being depressed about, or sad because of. And I can't control what bad happens to me or to anyone I love. That realization sucks and it hurts. But it also confirms how important it is to choose my thoughts and how I feel, its the only thing I have control over.

I have a dozen things to be sad about, I also have a dozen things to be happy about and I get to choose which things I focus on.

I can focus on how it sucks to know that there is pain in my life and in my future and try my hardest to control and manipulate it to be something otherwise or I can confront and accept that I have no control and release the pressure of trying to do so. There is freedom in accepting that resisting what life throws at us does not mean sh*t won't happen. I have been resisting pain and sucky things happening to me ever since I can remember, well I can promise you it hasn't stop them from happening.

I love that I have an innate skill of giving people "reality checks" . Do you know why? No, I'm not evil (its always out of immense love) its because although a reality check stings at first and usually not for long, it is almost always followed by the world opening up for that person, a huge realization, extreme growth, and eventually a lot more joy. It brings people hope again, motivation again, passion, desire, etc. It's one of the best gifts we can give to someone.

I guess I just needed a reality check myself.

Now it's time I learn how to "go with the flow" with a smile on my face.

Lots of Love

Tiffany