Our Wedding

Our wedding day came and went so quickly.

Albert stayed at his parents house the night before our wedding, so I spent the night alone waking but I woke up with excitement.  The morning of our wedding, I went to the venue and decorated the room for a few hours with some family and friends which I absolutely loved and truly enjoyed.  I didn't feel stressed or nervous at all. When I got home I showered and starting getting ready.  Everything was going as planned with plenty of time and I felt good about everything.

Our pictures at the park were a little rushed since it took us awhile to meet with everyone and then find a good spot. I didn't get all the poses I wanted but we definitely made use of our hour at the park.

Quite a few things went "wrong" before the ceremony started but it didn't even phase me. The only things that were truly important to me were still absolutely perfect.

We had our wedding party walk out to "I gotta feeling" by The Black Eyed Peas which was really fun. I was not a bit nervous until right before I stepped out to walk down the aisle.  I knew this would be the moment that was most challenging for me. I'm not a person that likes the spot like on her and I knew I would have 65 people all staring at me.  When I get anxious I tend to do rush things and I knew I would practically want to run down the aisle to Albert, so I prepped my dad to make sure he knew to slow me down.

I walked down the aisle to "From this moment on" by Shania Twain. When I got to Albert he was shaking tremendously.  For a few seconds it really worried me, I thought maybe he was nervous about marring me and in that case we didn't need to get married.  But he made several gestures to connect with me and let me know how felt.  I then knew he was just feeling the same way I was feeling about all the attention on as, as we talked about this before hand, this was the one part he was worried about too. After that I was able to truly embrace the moment, he kept making loving gestures and I felt so much joy through out the ceremony.

My favorite parts of the ceremony was the Rose Ceremony when we incorporated Joel into the Ceremony symbolizing the three of us becoming a family. Also when we placed the rings on each others fingers and the kiss, of course.

After the ceremony we went outside to take some pictures together.  I felt a little anxious as I knew everyone was inside waiting for us.  As we ate our dinner everyone would come up to us and chat with us which I thought was perfect.  Albert and I got a little bit of time to connect and enjoy each other in between people coming up, instead of having to walk around and talk to everyone.

The speeches from the Maid of Honor and Best Man were done at the end of dinner.  My son and my dad spoke after them.  They were all so touching. I tried to not cry but of course I did!

Immediately after the speeches we had our first dance which was to "Amazed" by Boyz II Men. I will never forget it. Albert was extremely happy and I felt such intense love and joy.  It was absolutely perfect.

Besides all the serious stuff my favorite part was all the dancing.  We had the perfect DJ who taught all kinds of dances and even joined everyone dancing, getting people out of their chairs and really keeping the energy up and fun.  I really appreciate all the people who were dancing with me all night long.  It really made the reception fun for me and perfect! It was so important to me that the energy be about everyone celebrating our union and having fun rather than serious!

I'm sure i'm forgetting tons of stuff.  Wedding pictures coming soon.

P.S.  I LOVE being married to Albert and feel so lucky to be able to spend my life with him!

Bridezilla or lack of! What weddings do!

My wedding day is in less than two weeks.  Weddings make most brides become bridezilla's.  I don't seem to have that problem which should be a good thing but it makes me wonder if its a self worth issue or is just that I am more spiritual grounded and don't care so much artificial stuff. Not sure what I think yet.

I am a million times happier and confident than I have ever been and thought I had worked through all of my self worth issues but this upcoming wedding has made me question whether I still have some lingering stuff going on. 

The biggest issue and very first one to show its head, is when I started thinking about walking down the aisle and the amount of anxiety that occurred within me, just thinking about everyone at the wedding staring at me makes my anxiety go through the roof.  I start sweating and become very fidgety (I'm not typically prone to this kind of anxiety).  

It continued when I noticed this as I was contemplating what I need from others on my wedding.  The idea of needing or even wanting others to help me and focus on me was a bit uncomfortable as I started to focus on it.  Heck sometime's I think my Maid of Honor is pampering herself more than I am for my wedding!  Which isn't a bad thing for her but what is it that prevents me from really feeling like this is MY day (and before I get comments about this, I'm talking in regards to getting myself ready, I KNOW ITS ALBERT AND MY DAY). 

I then was challenged by other people telling me things such as:  my bouquet needs to be different and bigger because I am the bride, or my hair is more important and needs to be different than any of the girls, or that my makeup needs to be more dramatic.  And I can feel within that I have a bit of resistance to this. 

I want to want to be special, I want to feel like its my special day, yet I don't feel that and feel weird to feel that. I feel like other people think some how this is a special event for them, almost more than I do.  

I finally broke through this the other day when the hair stylist in which I had planned on doing my hair changed what was originally said, she scheduled some clients and wanted me to come in and change my wedding schedule around her and didn't even notify me of this until another friend went in to get her hair done 2 weeks before the wedding. That was the first time I felt like this is my wedding day, I am not going to change my wedding day plans around because someone decided to be (in my opinion) unprofessional.  I did however second guess myself for a second but was reassured by several people that, it wasn't only a little unprofessional it was VERY unprofessional.  

I still don't feel like its my special day to be pampered, nor do I WANT the spot light on me. Part of me wants it to be ABOUT me but not focused on me.  Which is an oxymoron and hard to understand.

After talking to my friend Linda, I started to feel a little better.  I think what is uncomfortable about focusing so much on my looks, hair, makeup, nails, etc.. Is that its very human and physical (superficial).  Which isn't something that feels good to me. Yet, I know everyone is going to be looking at and judging those things. But what feels good to me is this day being more spiritual, more grounded.  It being about joy and love.  Not how my hair and makeup look.  I will give those things some attention but when they start taking over what really matters its very uncomfortable for me.  

So I guess my conclusion for now is that I believe weddings seem to bring out the "human" in people quite a bit, they make such superficial stuff so darn important.  And it even got me a little bit and I consider myself a pretty spiritually grounded person. Heck, even though I am aware of this it will still take me over.  But ultimately what matters is not that I look like a freakin made up doll but that I feel good about the decisions I make, the people I am around and most important enjoying the event of being united with the man of my dreams.  

Screw the rest of it! 

Tiffany