Bridezilla or lack of! What weddings do!

My wedding day is in less than two weeks.  Weddings make most brides become bridezilla's.  I don't seem to have that problem which should be a good thing but it makes me wonder if its a self worth issue or is just that I am more spiritual grounded and don't care so much artificial stuff. Not sure what I think yet.

I am a million times happier and confident than I have ever been and thought I had worked through all of my self worth issues but this upcoming wedding has made me question whether I still have some lingering stuff going on. 

The biggest issue and very first one to show its head, is when I started thinking about walking down the aisle and the amount of anxiety that occurred within me, just thinking about everyone at the wedding staring at me makes my anxiety go through the roof.  I start sweating and become very fidgety (I'm not typically prone to this kind of anxiety).  

It continued when I noticed this as I was contemplating what I need from others on my wedding.  The idea of needing or even wanting others to help me and focus on me was a bit uncomfortable as I started to focus on it.  Heck sometime's I think my Maid of Honor is pampering herself more than I am for my wedding!  Which isn't a bad thing for her but what is it that prevents me from really feeling like this is MY day (and before I get comments about this, I'm talking in regards to getting myself ready, I KNOW ITS ALBERT AND MY DAY). 

I then was challenged by other people telling me things such as:  my bouquet needs to be different and bigger because I am the bride, or my hair is more important and needs to be different than any of the girls, or that my makeup needs to be more dramatic.  And I can feel within that I have a bit of resistance to this. 

I want to want to be special, I want to feel like its my special day, yet I don't feel that and feel weird to feel that. I feel like other people think some how this is a special event for them, almost more than I do.  

I finally broke through this the other day when the hair stylist in which I had planned on doing my hair changed what was originally said, she scheduled some clients and wanted me to come in and change my wedding schedule around her and didn't even notify me of this until another friend went in to get her hair done 2 weeks before the wedding. That was the first time I felt like this is my wedding day, I am not going to change my wedding day plans around because someone decided to be (in my opinion) unprofessional.  I did however second guess myself for a second but was reassured by several people that, it wasn't only a little unprofessional it was VERY unprofessional.  

I still don't feel like its my special day to be pampered, nor do I WANT the spot light on me. Part of me wants it to be ABOUT me but not focused on me.  Which is an oxymoron and hard to understand.

After talking to my friend Linda, I started to feel a little better.  I think what is uncomfortable about focusing so much on my looks, hair, makeup, nails, etc.. Is that its very human and physical (superficial).  Which isn't something that feels good to me. Yet, I know everyone is going to be looking at and judging those things. But what feels good to me is this day being more spiritual, more grounded.  It being about joy and love.  Not how my hair and makeup look.  I will give those things some attention but when they start taking over what really matters its very uncomfortable for me.  

So I guess my conclusion for now is that I believe weddings seem to bring out the "human" in people quite a bit, they make such superficial stuff so darn important.  And it even got me a little bit and I consider myself a pretty spiritually grounded person. Heck, even though I am aware of this it will still take me over.  But ultimately what matters is not that I look like a freakin made up doll but that I feel good about the decisions I make, the people I am around and most important enjoying the event of being united with the man of my dreams.  

Screw the rest of it! 

Tiffany

Perception Change - Something Clicked!

Today I went to my friends baby shower and at first I was feeling bored, uncomfortable, insecure and self conscious.

I went to this baby shower alone, the only person I knew there was my friend and of course she was busy the entire time. And this was no ordinary little baby shower.  It was a huge co-ed party!  DJ, Chocolate fountain, loads of alcohol, etc..

More and more guests starting arriving and everyone else seemed to know each other and had come with their husbands or friends.  I just sat there for the longest time.

BUT......

I can't quite explain what it was or how it happened but I literally had a transformational moment.

I was sitting at a table with three couples and their babies.  Observing each couple the huge differences between each of them in the way they behaved and acted, was interesting.  One woman had just had her baby (baby was five weeks old) and this woman was full of energy, bubbly, energetic, positive, wearing a nice dress with heels.  At first I couldn't understand how although sleep deprived she was genuinely in a good mood and with a tiny newborn she had taken the time to get ready and look nice.  It was impressive and admirable.

I don't know what my thoughts were exactly but it was something along the lines of how everything is always a choice and a bunch of other empowering stuff.  Which were not new concepts to me but for some reason that day they just sank in, to a deeper understanding.

No matter what is going on in my life I still have choices.

I went to the bathroom and in the bathroom I literally went from feeling insecure about being alone, being quiet and not looking my best to just choosing to be confident and be me. I don't quite remember what my thoughts were but whatever they were they totally worked!

I left the bathroom feeling taller, smiling and really really good. I could feel that my posture felt different and everything about me body felt different.  All over having different thoughts, it was such an amazing experience to see how thoughts alone completely changed my body and entire demeanor.

Ever since that day I have started to feel more and more like myself again.

I don't necessarily know if it was the woman who chose to take the time to look nice and chose to enjoy herself no matter what else was going on in her life.  Or if it was just the right time, place, and circumstances to remind me of all the things I already know and  teach to others. But, I do know that something definitely shifted in me that day.

Boy, did I allow myself to get thrown way off track these last few months.

I'm just hoping that I can continue in this direction and with the perception I want and is me, even after I have this next upcoming surgery.  After the last surgery I felt like my brain was scrabbled up and that it is now barely coming back together and settling down.  I hope I flow through this next surgery more smoothly and am able to stay in perceptions that are more beneficial for me.

Think like God thinks.

With God all things are possible.

This is what saves me. This is what pulls me out of ego, ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE. But what does this really mean.

Well if Anything is possible, then thinking like God thinks would mean there are no reasons why life can't be exactly as we want it. But most of the time it isn't....... So now what?

This is because we don't and I certainly don't think like GOD thinks. I have to remind myself constantly that all things are possible. And still do I truly believe it?

I think that if we thought like God thought every second of every day, we would be happy, anything WOULD be possible, and life would be amazing, amusing, and fun.

If only there was a way to remember this every few seconds. Think like God thinks.

I know if I did I would have more patience while driving. I would smile more. I would have more patience with everyone in my life. I wouldn't feel so frustrated when people made decisions that I disagreed with. I wouldn't feel like I NEEDED to do anything. I would watch everything in life with amazement. I would love without wanting anything from anyone. I wouldn't need anyone or anything to be different than they already are.

Is this too tall of an order to ask of a person living in this physical world playing the game of Life?

Is it possible to think like God thinks? Would it take years of meditating, discipline and practice in order to even come close to living in this manner.

Am I setting myself up to fail by even considering this being possible? Is it possible for you? Is it possible for others?

At times just saying, "Anything is Possible" can completely change my thinking, but at other times I am filled with nothing more than doubt. To think like God thinks would be an absence of all doubt.

Maybe its about finding something powerful enough that works for each one of us individually. I have heard many religious people use the phrase "What would Jesus do?" Which may work for them.

I wonder what would work for me. What do you think would work for you?

"What would love do?", "What would source do?", "What would God do?", "What would Spirit do?".

It would have to be powerful enough to really transform your thoughts in the midst of the dramatic ego controlling your thoughts and actions.

All these words mean the same thing to me (Love, God, Source, Spirit), yet depending on how they are used each one carries a different power.

It would be an accomplishment if I even succeeded at remembering this a few times a day, let alone all day.

Maybe I could actually make this a part of my life and not just another concept I would "like" to adapt but never really come to light.

Instead of focusing on "trying" to make this a part of my life, maybe a better intention is to remind others that, "With God all things are possible, and what would God do" with whatever circumstances they are facing.

It's another practical way to go beyond the ego and come from the place inside us that is Spirit, to come from our hearts, reconnecting us with Source. I guess thats always the intention. I have noticed that when I am coming from my heart (Spirit), I am happy and joyful. When I am in a place that is dominated by ego is when I experience suffering and pain.

It is such a powerful practice to "Think like God thinks" and come from that place within us.

My intention is not only to remember to live from that place myself but to help others do the same.

If you receive a text, an email, a tweet, or even more blogs about this don't be surprised.

ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE

Who I really AM!

For the first time I finally experienced what I have known and believed for a while.

I have been on a spiritual path for years now and have educated myself quite well on the subjects of god, human existance, human behavior, sciences, and myself.

If you know me well you have heard me say "We are all one", "Everything happens for a reason", "Everything is Energy", "Where your mind goes energy flows", "We create our reality", etc....

I understood the concepts very well, I even looked to science to back it all up. I embarked on a journey seeking to be the best person I could be and to grow and improve myself as much as possible.

I had heard the concepts that we are whole and complete the way we are, and the answers are within not outside of us and I accepted them but some things can't be fully understood or percieved until you have felt them and experienced them.

Its like reading every book there is on swimming, but never getting in the water. You can explain how the body stays afloat, you can explain the science of the water moving and how it all works. But you don't REALLY know how to swim until you get into the water and SWIM.

I have finally come home. Home to who I am. I do not need to seek ANYTHING. I only need to live from that place inside me that is God/spirit/Love, whatever word can be attached to it.

To truly live in the present moment is to BE LOVE. To know this and to experience it is two COMPLETELY different things.

My life took a turn when I was blessed with this experience.

I again feel inclined to seek. But rather than seeking for answers, I am looking for ways to truly live what I have experienced. I felt who I really am, who we are really are, now living from that place on day to day basis when my life has momemtum and my ego has its roots is going to take some practice.

However its all coming from a different place within me now. I wish I had the words to describe it. Maybe I will. I intend to, as I understand this more and go deeper into it my intentions are to learn how to teach it so others may experience the joy of who they really are.

Immediately after my experience, I operated from such a place of peace where I forgot about myself. I was not disconnected from anyone or anything. I was present in every moment. If you asked me what I wanted to eat in 20 minutes, I didn't know, my immediate reaction was "I'll tell you when I feel hungry." It was beautiful.

I know what I am capable of now, I have felt exactly the way I want to live my entire life. It is so liberating, I had no desires, the moment was PERFECT and everything was so blissful. This lasted for days.

However the knowing that I am whole and complete, that happiness and bliss can be felt no matter what and knowing I am more than I ever imagined, has not left me. It is no longer a "good" concept, it is my truth.

Now living that for the rest of my life and helping others do the same is my intention.

I do not regret seeking outside myself for that is what brought me to the truth.

In summary my only intention is to live in the moment from the love that IS. My quest has taken a significant turn and to most it may not look different but it sure the heck feels different.

For those on a spiritual path I sincerely would love to connect with you. My skype is LOVEGROWTH and my email is LoveGrowth@gmail.com

And for those seeking guidance you may contact me as well.