Juice Fast Day 6: Anger and More

Morning Post:

Today I am experiencing a lot of anger which isn't like me.  I am glad my fiance is working so he doesn't have to deal my anger.

I'm just angry about all of these health issues.  I do my best to take care of myself, I even go above and beyond what the doctors expect and want of me yet I still keep having more and more sh*t come up. On top of that my body decides to play tricks so the Doctors have a harder time diagnosing stuff and curing it.

One second I have cancer, the next, I'm told my tumor is not malignant but its not benign (OK?). Then I am told I need radiation, then I am told radiation isn't a good option for me. Then I am told that Desmoid Tumors(Two: One the size of a grapefruit, the other the size of a baseball) which is what they removed from me, are extremely rare that only 600 cases have been recorded ever and that from what they know the tumor has a 50 to 70% chance of regrowing. And that it is locally aggressive and destroys everything in its path.  Yet, no radiation to reduce the chances of regrowth because I am too young!  On top of that finally out of all the freakin doctors I see the radiologist is the one that finally takes the time to explain everything to me.  Which in his words "The tissues of the tumor are not cancerous but the tumor itself behaves as if it were a cancerous tumor."

Now the second issue.  I start having a whole bunch of other symptoms (kind of embarrassing and disgusting so I will keep them to myself).  So I go the Doctors and guess what she is stumped by my cervix, have never seen what is going on with my cervix and can't stop the symptoms. So, then I go to a different doctor the VERY next day who now can't see anything wrong with cervix and I have absolutely NO symptoms!!!!!!!!!!! WTF!!!! Okay, I'll take this miracle, some how it magically cured it self!  HA!  Not that lucky, symptoms return a few days later!  So now I have all kinds of testing and doctors trying to solve this! I feel like my body is literally playing with me.

Okay that had nothing to do with the fast at all but had more to do with a whole lot of anger and I experiencing at the moment which I attribute to the emotions coming up because of the fast.

I am pissed off that I have to do this fast for my health and that I have to now watch what I eat in hopes it will reduce the chances of the tumor regrowing. I am f*cken pissed right now about that.  I LOVE food.

This anger is so foreign to me and usually I would be worried about what it means but right now I just don't give a rats ass how it looks or what it means.

With my luck this fasting will be all for nothing!

My throat is itchy, my lungs are still giving me a hard time and this anger doesn't feel good! I thought that after a few days of the fast it was supposed to get easier and easier!

I'm going back to bed.

Evening Post:

I weighed myself this morning and I lost 11 pounds.  That is a big loss, 11 pounds in 6 days which is good.  I know that 3 to 5 pounds are water weight and will return when I break the fast but I also hope to lose a few more pounds before I break the fast in five days, Wednesday February 7th.  I can't wait.

I feel a little edgy and still feel the anger, not like this morning but its still there.  I went and had a massage to help get the toxins moving out of my muscles and then out of my body.  Back in April I signed up for a year contract (one massage a month) with this massage place and I haven't been going the last few months so I had a few massages saved up which has been useful during the fast.

Even though I took a nap, I still feel tired.

Today I felt this new feeling.  A feeling of my stomach being empty.  It's not uncomfortable but its not comfortable either, just different.

Til tomorrow!