Surgery Cancelled and referred to USC

My surgery was scheduled for Monday March 5th until I went to the Pre-Op appointment yesterday.  After re-examination the doctor said my condition and symptoms is extremely rare and something he has never seen before.  So he said he was going to refer me to USC for the procedure.

Needless to say yesterday was not a good day.

I think part of me is becoming numb to the bad news but the part that stung pretty bad was that before this appointment I seen an end to all of this in my near future.  I was under the impression that after this last surgery I would be able to even work within a week and that most of it would be behind me.

Now, I have to go through the wait game again (for the referral and authorization), examination, scheduling a surgery (which from what the Doctor said isn't going to be such a simple surgery as what was previously scheduled), recovery, etc. Not to mention now I will have the symptoms and limitations for that much longer.

When the plan was to have the surgery this coming Monday,  I was able to see the light at the end of the tunnel and after yesterdays appointment I felt like that was ripped out from under me.  I should be used to that by now, ha?!

I was so glad Albert wasn't working and was able to help me through this. We worked through a lot of things, especially some issues I was having with myself and what I bring to our relationship.  He does so much and I feel like I do nothing but bring more stress and bad news.  He doesn't see it the way I do.

So yesterday was an emotional day.

I am feeling okay today, probably learning to surrender to things a lot quicker.

I would really love to find a way to be productive and feel like I am doing something, even while I am going through all of this.  That would make me feel a hundred times better.