The purpose of all of this!

Anyone who has been reading my blog or knows me personally knows that I have been struggling and held back with a lot of things lately.

I'm not going to complain about my difficulties but I wanted to share what I believe may be the reason for all of this.

There is a reoccurring them about everything that has happened over the last few months, which things appear like they are getting better or going to work out and then they don't, more stuff keeps happening and the experience gets prolonged and I can't move forward.

I believe as always that there is a reason for this.

I think this is all happening and will continue to happen until I focus on myself and find Joy within.


I believe that health stuff will continue to arise and get postponed so that I can't go back to work and we won't find and buy a house that is perfect for us so that I can't focus on moving and I won't have the desire to eat healthy and exercise so that I can't focus on that either......

What I feel may be happening here is nothing is going to work out right now because what I need is to learn to focus within, heal and enjoy every moment instead of be caught up in the distractions of my life, or maybe its to make me learn how to focus on the good things I have in my life now without seeking more, or maybe its to learn how to trust source to take care of me.

But I know there is a reason because one thing after another continues to happen.  A surgery that was supposed to take me away from work for 3 weeks is not going into 3 months.  We find a house, owners cancel 2 days before escrow closes, we find another house and they say they agree to the terms but won't sign the offer because they want to prolong the process (leaving it open for as many other offers to come in and offer more) so now our offer has expired, so we aren't getting that house either (And I really really really loved that house).

I just feel that life is not allowing me to have anything else to put my attention on and I am bored out of my mind.  Some may feel that is a good thing and wish they had it but it doesn't feel good at all. But because my confidence and happiness relies on me being productive and active, all of this makes me feel lost, useless, and overwhelmed.  I don't know what to do with my time and I have a craving to do something significant and purposeful yet I am not able to or haven't discovered how to yet.

My anxiety is through the roof when comes to the house stuff and my health stuff.  I feel so anxious to move on and move forward yet I continue to be held back.

I know that I need to learn how to focus better on the good, the amazing love and people I have in my life and everything else that is working... And since I haven't been able to do that fully, I know in my heart things are not going to move forward until I can.

One things for sure, we'll see what happens!