My desires!

Through out the last few days I have written down several topics in which I would like to blog about.  Stuff I know I need to take the time to focus on and allow myself to write what comes up.  Writing is very healing and therapeutic for me.  But, for right now I don't feel like focusing on that stuff at the moment.  Although I will state them now so that I feel more accountable to giving them some time then I will get to the real topic of today's blog post.

Future Topics

1. The idea of being considerate of others NOT being priority, that the number one priority is being authentic and true to myself.  This comes from years of Abraham Hicks and Byron Katie's work.  "How you react or feel because of me, is none of my business" - Byron Katie

2. The concept of control, regaining control, control over my mind, my life, my body. etc...

3.  Taking the concept of control even further. Hopefully I can articulate this clearly.  Usually I give in to what I want as way of "feeling" like I have control and I don't have to follow anyone's "should" list. (example I should eat a certain way) however I had this moment of clarity the other day that giving into a craving, a laziness, a dislike, etc.. is giving away my control over my body and mind.  When I give in to "habits" it is my subconscious (trained behavior) that I am giving control too, it really isn't the conscious me.  Therefore, giving into something (going against other people's shoulds) is still actually giving up control.  I guess I am sort of admitting here that I have less control over my thoughts and actions than I would like or previously thought I had.

4. And finally I would like to be able to come to a clear conclusion of how joy and control mix together.  I don't enjoy going to the gym but it takes self control to do it.  It seems that most decisions that we would make in order to have control go against joy.  This is important to me to clarify because my number 1 priority over anything is Joy.  Abraham Hicks has taught me a lot in regards creating the life I want and what is important to me.  When I allow myself to be anything but joy I am not serving anyone, not myself, not my loved ones, not my friends, not anyone around me.  Joy not control is my priority, however I do want to have control over my mind which will allow me to control my thoughts to only focus on joy.  Okay, if you can follow all of that I would be surprised.  But I need to find some clarity in this area because they seem to conflict for me and I would like to align them some how.  And for those of you who will say something like well just change your perception or you will learn to enjoy it, if it was that easy and didn't take a lack of joy and control in the first place I would have already done it.  So it's not some simple "change" the way I am solution, its something in my beliefs and thoughts that needs to shift and align with each other.

Those are future posts, if not only for my own personal attempt to gain clarity and shift some limiting beliefs.

Enough of that!

On to the good stuff for the moment.

My desires!  I had a few friends mention to me making what I desire very clear to Source.  I even had someone tell me about something called "placing your order with the universe" not sure I am that confident in my asking yet but I thought I would take a few moments to put my desires out there.

1. A home for us (Albert, Joel, Myself, and hopefully babies in the future) that has at least three bedrooms, two bathrooms, two car garage, enough space to park all of our cars (Albert has quite a few), the house being at the very least 1400 square feet, central air, convenient washer and dryer hookup area, a big comfortable kitchen..... all within the charter oak school district at a price we can afford right now and within a timely manner (like as soon as possible).  A home we enjoy and love and is perfect for all of us.

2. A tight healthy body.

3. Two babies in the near future.

4. An enjoyable abundant career.

5.  For Albert and I to continue to grow closer and stronger as a couple for what we have to evolve and go deeper and deeper.  (I have the relationship I want with him already, now I just desire it to continue to be this way and for us to grow together in this very fulfilling and loving manner we have now.)

6. For all of us (Joel, Albert, and myself) to continue to get closer and closer.  For us to be a close, respectful and strong family.  To trust each and support each other.

7. For my son to love himself and his life.  For him to be successful  (whatever that means to him) and for him to know and feel he is capable of anything he desires.  For us to continue to be very close and loving for the rest of our lives. For him to feel very loved, cherished and special and that he knows I will always be there for him no matter what.  I just want him to be happy!


Wow, that is a lot to ask for but someone told me I don't have to choose. I don't expect to have everything but it doesn't hurt to get clear about what I desire in life.

I plan on looking back on this post to keep my focus on my desires and what I want instead of worrying about what I don't want.

Hopefully tomorrow I will be motivated to give some of those others topics some attention.

Good Night!

Negative Feelings Towards Others, People who cause harm, lie, control, and manipulate.

The second half of this can be very powerful should you choose to read it.

I uncovered some very ugly feelings towards some people in my life and around me.

One of them I feel is vital to let go of and move beyond because this person will always be a part of my life.

I am well aware that these feelings which I have formed and housed within myself do not serve me and my intention is to release and heal them.

Many of the feelings I have inside me for other people have a common theme. All these people tend to lie, manipulate, and are not authentic. I do not know who they really are and I am inclined to believe they do not know themselves either.

I have tried going to a place of at least feeling pity for these type of people. Pity would be a step up from the anger and disgust I feel when I think about it.

Let me explain (Bare with me it won't stay negative, It helps to clarify what I am speaking about)

I don't understand why anyone would change who they are and what they say every moment in order to convince, control, or manipulate a situation. I know many many people including myself have resorted to tactics of manipulation. I am not discussing that here. I am speaking of extreme cases. Where these people are doing it 24-7. The type of people who will walk over anyone to get what they want. The type of people who will smile at you and pretend to care but are walking away trying to deceive you in some way and would the second it would benefit them. The type of people that lie so much they don't know what the truth is. They use anything they can to control people and manipulate people to do what they want. They judge people and will not hesitate to harm someone as long as that person has nothing to offer them. In order for these type of people to continue to care or "be nice" to you, you must have something to offer them or something they want from you. They talk badly about everyone in their life to others, everyone is wrong and bad and they will produce stories in order to convince others of this.

I am tempted to use names to describe these people as fake, liars, etc... But I know that these are not who these people are deep down, these are just behaviors. Behaviors I seem to have major issues with, nontheless they are just behaviors.

I can't seem to understand these people. My intention is to love all through their decisions and find only understanding and compassion. This has proved to be a challenge at this point for me. I don't understand why anyone would hurt others. How anyone could be so shut off and selfish that they constantly harm others with only care of themselves. Their love is always conditional, they seem to love but deep inside they have lots of reasons why the person they love is bad and they can't stand them. They will not show this as long as they have something they want from the person they express love for. I don't understand why people would lie and make up stories. I don't understand why most people don't call people on this type of behavior. I am sure most people here know of a person like this and it is so obvious to us who these people have chosen to be and what choices they chose to make. Yet most of us say nothing, we walk away when we love ourselves enough but no one seems to say anything. These people have no idea how obvious their behavior is.

I have several people in my life like this. At one level I am angry and disgusted with people like this. I just don't understand why someone would choose to live their life this way and how someone could treat other people with such disregard and disrespect, even just another human being, let alone someone they "pretend" to care about.

At another level I have found pity. I feel sorry, no one will ever see the true person they are. Can you imagine how lonely that is, not knowing yourself and NO ONE ever REALLY knowing you? I feel so bad that these people feel they need to lie, control, and manipulate in order to feel loved and important. I can't imagine what type of thoughts they have going on inside their minds.

They cause such harm and pain in most peoples lives that they have a role in. Yet it is my only intention to see these people with love and for the people they are deep inside. I must move past my own pain and stories I have within myself that relate to these people in my life. My pain is my own, my story is my own, these people may not ever change yet I have the ability to heal my pain, remove my story and find understanding and compassion for these people and everyone like them.

They are unique expressions of god and are nothing less than beautiful light that have been covered by their limiting thoughts, habits, and actions. Their deep love of who they are is nothing less than the love from anyone else. Their hurtful actions are merely my egos interpretation of what their ego should or should not be doing.

It is only out of their programming that they do what they do. They only want love, they have forgotten that they are love and they don't need to lie, manipulate, control or pretend in order to get love.

I choose to work on seeing these people only from a place of love, compassion and understanding.

Their love does not stop, only the egos idea of expressing the love that they have. Whether they choose harmful actions or not, deep inside that love is the same. They are very disconnected from spirit, but that is who they are, not their ego.

I can choose not to allow these types of people with these behaviors to have a role or impact in my life but I can still choose to love them anyway.

No one is ever doing anything to me, my spirit. It is merely their ego doing it to themselves.

I choose to focus on and strengthen this truth inside myself, inside my perception of these people, inside all that I love, inside everyone I see.

I choose to see the light in all beings, I choose to see past the handicap behavior of the ego, I choose to see love in all, I choose to see god in everyone.

I choose to see that these spirits have such dominating and strong egos who completely hide them, so I choose to have compassion for them and seek to speak and respond only to the spirit inside them, not their ego.

EVERY EGO IS ALWAYS DOING THE BEST IS WAS TAUGHT TO DO. IT IS NEVER PERSONAL.