Feeling sad and frustrated - House and Surgery not going well!

Everyone keeps saying that since we didn't get the last house we had in escrow that it means a better house is in our future, I don't know if I believe that right now. I know that is aligned with my beliefs but I just can't feel that at the moment. Looking around for another house is a disappointing experience. Any house we find that is even close to what we are looking for ends up being out of our price range and if it isn't then someone makes an offer way above the listing price. The only houses within our price range are short sales which don't work. Because of this I am feeling frustrated with the fact that I am currently not working. So I call the surgeon over and over again to see if the authorization went through and the line was busy all morning (what business doesn't at least have an answering service now?)! I finally get through and then they are trying to tell me I have to wait until after my next menstrual cycle (which would be around 3 weeks!), I tell them my last menstrual cycle just completed not too many days ago and that I want to get the surgery done as soon as possible (I can not wait another month before I can work). The lady says she will check if there is any availability this Friday or coming Monday and she'll call me back! But its been a few hours and no phone call. I want to start working already. I'm depressed because I don't only feel bored and lazy, I feel like "dead weight". What makes me the most happy is to be moving, progressing, producing, creating. Being able to work and make money is a huge part of that. Also being able to go to the gym would help. Last time I tried to go to the gym, just to walk on the treadmill, I ended up in pain for two days. And to make it even worse, when I am depressed like this Albert feels bad and wishes he can do something, when he has done more than I could of ever wanted. Without him I would be feeling way worse than this everyone once in awhile. I'm sure he would fix my body and get me working if he could. But what I feel right now is about how I'm feeling about myself. I just don't see the light at the end of the tunnel in regards to my health and career and I don't know how to see the positive perspective I want to see. Yes, another "down" blog post. Not like me, but is my truth at the moment. :( Update: Surgery is Scheduled for Monday March 5th.

Another Surgery

I won't go into the details of everything but what I have been dreading all along is now happening.  I have to have another surgery.  As of right now its believed to be completely unrelated to my last surgery and I hope it stays that way.

I am having a large mass from my cervix removed as well as a couple small polyps from my uterus.  It's supposed to be an outpatient surgery with only a few day recovery time but I am a little hesitant to believe that since the last surgery was supposed to be the same and I ended up staying in the hospital for several days with a very LONG recovery.

If everything goes as planned the surgery should not effect my fertility or actually should eventually improve it.  We'll have to see and now I don't believe anything until it happens.

I do know from what I have been reading that the tumor I had removed from my hip (desmoid tumor) is some how related to having polyps so I'm not sure how its related or if that is the case for me but it was something I came across when I did my research on desmoid tumors.

I was by myself when I found out and pretty upset.  I normally don't call Albert at work unless I have to but after this news I really needed to talk to him and I was glad I called him.  I was in a fog once again, kind of shocked.  Another Surgery........

But my friend Vicki came over to help cheer me up and I read some comments on facebook that really helped me shift the way I was looking at this next surgery.  I will do my best to look at this as a step closer to getting better rather than something that is a step backwards.

Vicki stayed with me until Albert came home.  Vicki and I picked up my sister and we all went to Krispy Kreme's it was really good and took my mind off of everything.  I feel very grateful for the people in my life.

I truly hope that this surgery is the last thing I need to do to get my body on the road to being completely healthy again.

The surgery will probably be this coming friday, the sooner the better, I want to get it over with.

I want to Thank everyone who has supported me through all of this.  It has been a crazy journey and I appreciate the love and care I have from everyone in my life.

Lots of Love,

Tiffany