Good Friends and Past Friends! What is my role?

I am wondering where the balance lies between creating boundaries (loving and respecting oneself) and accepting someone as they are (unconditional love).

I am really working through this concept of friends. I know I have had many many great people in my life. I know I have very positive intentions and would never hurt someone intentionally. I know I love to make people happy and love to see them have what they want. Yet, friends seem to drift away in my life. They are still there but neither I nor the other person makes an effort to connect.

I have always felt that I am the one that made all the effort to keep friendships alive with exception to my friend Melissa. I text people to get together, I call or email, I make the connection for a while but ultimately I am also the one that lets the friendship die. Something always occurs that makes me distance myself.

Now I am coming to a point where I am starting to question this. Over the years, I have built some very deep friendships with Vicki and Crystal. Who are two people I can trust without a doubt, people who respect me and whom I respect. Friends I love very deeply.

But with all these dozens of other people in my life (past friendships) still around and still experiencing "old stuff" between myself and the other person, I can't help but question the role I played in the breakdown in these friendships. And how much of that still needs to be worked through and healed within myself.

Some of these people in my past have hurt me, some of them disrespected me, some probably felt disrespected by me but what is it that I need to heal within myself in order to heal some of these relationships, as well as let some others go.

I have no desire to have people in my life that don't respect me or like me. I am okay with that and don't need others to like me. But what I find I do need is for others to be honest about who they are and what they feel. I have discovered I am still attracting more people into my life that create a sense of confusion and make me doubt myself. What is still alive within me that is attracting these people to me?

How do we know who to trust? How do we know what issues we are creating because of insecurities within ourselves and what issues are actually real and a true concern?

I see how it's hard for me to be vulnerable with people. Does this create an "energy" or "sense" of competitiveness or protection against them?

I fear the second someone is not perfect that I become protective which causes unnecessary strain on friendships. However, I also fear not protecting myself from people who are hurtful and don't have my best interest in mind.

How do you distinguish between the two? How do I find the healthy balance of those two?

Whatever it may be, I hope to work through the issues that cause me to be distant, defensive and protective towards those who deserve trust and respect. And I hope to get to a place where I automatically keep distance from those who are not healthy for me.

I welcome any light into this, any feelings you get from me, thoughts, concerns or your own experience with me that you feel is relevant. For personal feedback email me: LoveGrowth@gmail.com

I respect when someone can be brutally honest with me. The reason why Vicki and Crystal are so close to me is because they understand me, they don't take my forward honesty as an attack and also because they are bluntly honest with me so I have a deep respect for them.

Without honest feedback from those around us, we are not able to see ourselves from another persons perspective. I owe a lot of my growth to those who have had the courage to be honest with me and to not be offended by my honesty (which truly comes from my heart).

I look forward to hearing from you.

Loving and Joy,

Tiffany

P.S. If I have ever offended you or anyone by my very direct honesty, I apologize that is never my intentions. When I care about someone, is when I am the most honest and forward. When I do not give feedback is when I don't really care. So please, If I ever seemed to be harsh on you, its only because I cared. It is only who I am and not an attack. However, I realize I can be a bit more compassionate and address things from a place that doesn't seem judgmental, I will work on it. Lots of Love

Enjoy

Nothing I claim to be facts, just my thoughts.

If you are a person who knows me well you know that I truly believe that what I experience in life is a reflection of my thoughts, feelings, and things going on inside me. And that I am 100% responsible for my life and what I experience.

However, I am in a human body so with a human mind and this physical reality appears to be happening to me.

So as a kind of way of throwing myself wide-open, showing who I truly am at this time and really working through a lot of thoughts I am having, I am going to share my opinions of life and others.

First is that someone who is true and real will care about you and be there even when they don't agree with you. I see so many people jumping friend to friend according to who agrees with them. That must be a lonely road to go down.

I know my life has drastically changed many times in the last year or so and it really showed me a lot about people and where they are in their lives. Meaning it says a lot about me, what is says I don't know. I know the people I want in my lives and the people I respect are people who allowed me to go down whatever paths where best for me, without judgment or distance. Now I have learned to do the same. As those I love make decisions either that I like or don't like, I can just love them through it and be there. It's a wonderful and real thing.

I also see how money changes people. I always tell Albert if you want to see who someone truly is give them money and power. That isn't only in a negative way their are plenty of people with money being very generous and still treating people as equals.

But recently I have noticed something else. Anybody who perceives themselves to have not enough will also be expressing their true selves but they will try to hide it. I see people at work claim to be someone's friend but try to take every tip as possible without any regard to "their friend". I see people turn on someone as soon as they benefit from the situation.

I am not claiming to be better than this, or that I don't do this or that I do. I am simple stating what bothers me in an effort to take an honest look at myself which is something I preach all the time.

I read self improvement books, do workshops, have conscious friends, have a life coach and try to do my best to always be positive and growing.

But I am not perfect and I don't claim to be. I would love to live from my heart 100% of the time, yet I have two people in my life in which really give me negative feelings inside. This shows how far I am from living 100% in my heart.

I wish I could clearly write about these people but I don't want to offend or hurt anyone's feelings. Maybe at some point I will but as for now I guess I can address what I can't seem to let go of about these two.

The characteristics I have issues with are:

Kissing someone's ass and turning around and talking negatively about them, being shady, being lazy, not being true to their word (their word depends on who they are talking to), not doing anything with their life, living off of others, doing nothing with their life but sleep, eat and burp, claiming to be someone's friend but not thinking twice about screwing them over in an instant if it benefits them. ( I could go on but it doesn't feel like focusing on this is serving me.)

I guess what I am learning from this is that I feel better about addressing the qualities I see missing and the qualities I value. Respect, Integrity, Taking care of business (not sure what to call that quality, lol), Honesty, Loyalty, Responsibility, and being a man (sorry can't come up with anything else for that either).

I am tempted to start spilling out how I behave and make decisions, etc..... But my intentions are not to claim I am better than anyone, as I am not. My intentions are to work through these feelings I have towards these behaviors or people who behave in this way.

I know one way of addressing some of these things are to focus on the things I do like. The qualities in the people I choose to have around me that I admire and respect. So for now, that is my answer, that is where I will put my attention.

Here's to those that I choose to have around me and what I love about them. Lots of Love.

My new life!

I just wanted to give an update to my situation with Albert.

Albert started trying to come back around in October of 2010 with a lot to say and I wanted to hear none of it. After some time I gave him a chance, to at least speak.

Albert said a lot of things but words are just words. I needed proof that things weren't the way I thought they were and no matter what he lied and did things you don't do to someone you love.

After some time of him showing me physical proof, papers, documents, talking to other people, him even talking to my parents, etc.. I decided to give him a chance.

I don't regret it one bit, some people have their opinions........ Let's just say I have a lot of respect and love for those of you who trusted me and supported me through everything.

The rest is history. He has been amazing, it took me some time to work through all the damage that was done, to this day he is still very patient and works with me through anything and everything that comes up.

He then proposed at the end of March.

He has become the best step father Joel could ever have and the best boyfriend/fiance/husband a woman could ever dream of. He still doesn't and never will let me walk all over him, he definitely wears the pants but he treats me like a queen and that is the balance I have always wanted. I need a man who can handle me and not let my ways control him, but I also need him to treat me like the most precious thing to him.

Last Tuesday I was surprised with roses and Thursday I was taken on a surprise date all just because he loves me. A girl couldn't ask for more.

Near the end of June we set a date for the wedding.

We will be getting married June 24th, 2012 at Pomona Valley Mining Co.

We plan on buying a house in January. Although he will actually be buying it since I don't make much money, it is our house. And we plan on having kids shortly after, when we can afford for me not to work.

Now it is time to get the other two areas in my life aligned with who I am and headed in the direction I would like.

One - My career, I want to wake up excited to do what I do. I want to enjoy what I do. And I want to help people feel better and enjoy their lives. Preferable making money through my own business or businesses of helping others in one way or another. I would later like Albert and Joel to get involved in the businesses. I want to have free time to do what I want to do but also have the ability to make money when I would like. I know if I can do it, I can believe that others can and I can help them realize and actualize their own dreams.

Two - My body and weight. Albert says I shouldn't worry about it, he loves me the way I am and I should just remember that. But its beyond how he or anyone else sees me. I want to feel good physically. I want my body to function properly with lots of energy and I want to feel good when I look into the mirror. That doesn't mean I need to be a size 2, it just means I need to know I am healthy and feel it.

Until next time.......

Dramatic changes in the direction of my life. (Deceit, Betrayal, & a New Life)

I took a trip to Sedona, AZ in the beginning of July.

I was told while in Sedona, which is a very spiritual place, that I was in the beginning of some huge shifts in my life.

They weren't kidding.

Within days of arriving home from Sedona, I discover that the man I thought of as my beloved partner who I was devoted to, was not the man I thought he was at all. It turned out he was living a double life and everything I knew about him was a lie.

Anyone who knew me, knew how much I loved that man. I would have stood by him until the day one of us died. This was by far the hardest and most painful things I have ever gone through.

I can tell you through all of it and still going through it, that I definitely know what I want in life. I sacrificed myself for four and half years. I put myself before him because of my immense love for him. Within seconds of discovering who he really was, I knew my life would change forever. There is not much a person can do to make me CLOSE down completely to them for good. I went from completely devoted to him to completely closed to him within the matter of hours.

I can say with confidence that there is NOTHING he could say or do that would have me want him in my life. I have zero desire for him in my life.

I was surprised to see this in myself. I have always been intelligent and a pretty determined person. But my emotions have been my weakness. I was happy to see that there was a line I wouldn't let someone cross and that I had boundaries, although it should have happened much sooner.

And although at times the hurt has been very hard, I am very happy with my life. I feel very free. Not in the sense of not being tied to someone but in the sense of being myself. I see I played small in my relationship. I bought into his opinions. The fear of losing something/someone will always confine you. Living with so much less fear is liberating.

I can tell you that my world is expanding at rapid speeds. The funny thing is from the outside, there may not be much obvious change other than not having a deceitful boyfriend anymore but inside me so much has changed.

I feel happier, less anxiety, excitement for my future, and on the verge of some huge things happening.

I am so happy I had no ties to him. That I was so lucky to get a clean break.

Now anything is possible.

I thought I would never be attracted to another person the way I was attracted to him and I can just say that was completely untrue.

I truly enjoy getting to know other people, other men, and most of all getting to know myself.

I have an amazing friend (Thank you, JOSH!) who has really been helping me raise my vibration. My son told me that I seem more "lively". What a wonderful thing to be called. My relationships with almost everyone are becoming much more deeper.

I am reconnecting with friends with whom I missed so much.

Although scary, hard, and hurtful this has been magical, wonderful, and super empowering.

I used to be scared to declare what I want. To go BIG. I felt weird, scared, and really just not worthy of "going big" in life.

Now I can. I want it all. I am asking for it all. AND I am going after it all!

Including: Making a very good living doing something I truly love, A wonderful fulfilling relationship with a man who respects and adores me, a healthy beautiful body, and lots of amazing people and opportunities.

I can see it possible now to truly enjoy my life.

I hope to never give my power away again. And I am working on it make sure of it.

I am even becoming creative. Having desires to garden, paint and express myself in ways I never thought of before. Dancing and even singing!

It just feels so good to let "me" be free and enjoy life.

My main intention is to learn how to do this more and more and more. Within relationships, within my career, within my entire life.

How did I ever think I could be happy with that man.

I guess my point is, even though sometimes things are hard and are very very "wrong", we can still gain from them.

What that man did was very wrong and very harmful. He has some major issues! But I can dwell on what he did to me or I can focus on who I am. And you know what. I am an honest person. I am a person who loves with all my heart. I am a person who is loyal and respectful. I am a person who is open minded and loves to grow. I am a person who is not capable of hurting someone that way. And you know what.... I LOVE THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And to be honest I still love him. I love who he was with me. I love a part of him that I know I truly felt. But I have no desire for him in my life. I desire SOOOOO much more.

My world just got a whole lot bigger.

I still have a lot to work to go through, a lot of growth. I still hurt sometimes in ways I wish on NO ONE. And I am pushing through it and I WILL get through it. And I will LOVE again.

Next time I won't hold back, I won't hold back because I wont have any reason to.

Thanks for listening.

Amazing stuff to come.

Single Mother raising a boy

I received a rude awakening yesterday.

I am a single mother to a 12 year old boy who is coming into his teenage years. He needs discipline, he needs someone to teach him work, to teach him self discipline, to be able to teach him how to be a good man.

How does a woman teach a boy how to be a man?

It felt like I was going to have to compromise my very close mothering and nurturing relationship with my son in order to start teaching him more "manly" things because he doesn't have a father around to do so.

My boyfriend has been really helping me with this but he is not here 24/7 and is not in the position yet to start enforcing rules on him. I don't want to have to be this hard firm mother. I just want to love my son. I know my role as a parent is not to do what I want, its to guide him to be a happy healthy adult.

I am curious of how other single mothers with boys have helped their boys become good men.

I also realize that what I lack in teaching him like "hard work" and "taking care of business" is not something I do well myself either. So I am struggling with this.

My son is so close to me. He's honest, respectful, he loves to make me happy, and is very mature for his age. However, he lacks self discipline (we both do) and responsibility.

Things are going to have to drastically change, if I want to teach my son these values.

I can't believe I didn't see this coming.

This is helping me become more conscious of my own lack of self discipline. I have always believed in leading by example so this means a lot of changes for me as well. However, I can not be a man so its going to be an interesting journey to see how this plays out.

I just need to write.

Happiness! Isn't that what everyone wants?

At least for me over the past months or years my desires have begun to separate from happiness. My main goal in life is not to obtain all that I desire, My main goal is to be happy. Although I do plan on experiencing everything I desire and more!

Most make the mistake assuming when they obtain those things in life in which they desire is when they will have happiness and most have yet to learn that is entirely untrue. A lot of people who get everything they want are more miserable than those of us in which life has been challenging. We think we know what we want until we get it.

What about just trusting that we already have what we need to be happy. Yes, I know I am repeating that old cliche, but its true. However, what is one to do when you discover happiness is not outside of oneself, but has yet to find happiness inside oneself.

I can truly say I am happy with who I am, I am proud of who I have become. I never gave up on myself and I did the work to be where I am today. I am discovering that no other person, place, or thing can truly make me happy. They can bring me pleasure, yes, but true lasting happiness I KNOW comes from a deep internal state within myself.

At times I feel limited, restricted, needing to break free. I currently have no outlet as most have. I don't drink or party, I don't have a job that pumps me full of adrenaline, I don't have a drama filled life anymore (most of the time), I don't have any extreme sports or other outlets in which to express myself.

I can see how I limit myself. I can see how I can be that person singing, dancing, really connecting with something, fully expressing who I am. I have it in me. Yet, it sits, dormant. Everything happens for a reason and I look forward to the day when I have no inhibitions and just allow myself to let go.

Although my life is amazing, I still get the feeling I am playing small. There is so much more inside me. Its just learning how to play big, learning what BIG is for me?

It's not a perfect job, or marriage, or kids, or new seminar. It's something within me. I know expression and connection have something to do with it.

I wonder when I will find MY intensity.

Until then, in the meantime I am practicing trusting and surrendering. Surrender? What does that mean? I have no idea what letting go looks like, I don't know what trusting looks like. It has been me against the world for as long as I can remember. If I didn't fight for myself, no one else would.

It's time I take a chance, put my sword down and see where life will take me. I may get stabbed in the heart without my shield or any way to protect myself but its a risk I am willing to take. Now I just need to learn how to do it.

Trust! A word used so liberally and one in which I hear daily. Yet I don't think I truly know the experience of trust. I have never learned how to trust. Not myself, not life, not God, not anyone else.

So it is my current journey to learn how to trust ME! To trust Life, To trust God, and to trust the man I love.

Now thats a tall order!

Love and Joy,

Tiffany

Authenticity

As much and as hard as I have worked on being authentic and real, I still have more to go.

I notice that before I say or do things I think of the consequences, I change things, lighten things, etc. in order to manipulate what I think the outcome would be. And I am not talking about huge manipulations just minor ones.

Such as how to tell someone that I love that I need something from them. Instead of just telling them and asking them if they will do it, I find myself trying to convince them, or saying it in a way that would be more appealing to them.

This may seem like no big deal to most but to me it is. It is because if I can't trust myself to real I will never be able to trust anything anyone else is saying or doing. I am always questioning what everyones ulterior motive is.

On the same note trying to slightly convince someone of something is not trusting. Its the opposite of trusting, its try to force things. No matter how slight it is, it is still not trusting. And I intend to live my life and in faith and trust.

The concepts I refer to all the time are:
"Everything happens for a reason."
"Everything is perfect."

I am starting to truly live by these more and more and but as I said, I still got a little ways to go.

I am grateful for my growth and how authentic of a person I am now and I have no doubt that any of my "hidden" areas with have light shined onto them. It is my intention to live free and REAL.

Change within stillness, trust, confidence and the unknown.

I haven't posted in quite some time.  Even as I set the intention to write often, I slip out of expressing myself and fall back into the old habit of staying in my own mind.

Today has been very reflective and I must say, not much has changed over the past few months in my life yet it feels as if everything has changed.

I don't have any evidence to show or explain how my life has changed.  From another persons perspective that would be looking at my life from the outside, I am sure they would say nothing at all has changed.  Yet some how it has.

I guess the biggest change is that I am ready for life.  Everyday I am more and more ready for whatever life has in store for me.  Sometimes I look back and see how challenging my life has been, how nothing has really gone smoothly for me and this used to scare me.  To be honest it still does at times, but more and more I am ready to see what comes next.  The fear is melting away of it being bad, which it might.  It might just be more challenges and more pain.  But it also might be greatness, excitement, joy, love... I am more ready today than I was yesterday and the day before that or before that.


Am I scared to see what life has in store for me?  Boy am I.  But I am now at a point where I am learning to trust, I am learning to relax (just a little!  lol, I said learning) and try not to control every moment.  I am becoming more flexible, a little more confident, curious, and just surrendering.

Instead of trying to force life to go my way with every once of energy I have, I am learning to relax and just observe what unfolds before me.  This has not been easy and at times I fall back into old habits but just the mere fact that I can even do it a little, is so beautiful.

So my point.......  I don't have any changes or wonderful progress to report.  Same job, same school, same relationship situation, same living situation.  But I am freer than I ever have been.  I anticipate that it(the feeling of being free) will only increase. Words can not describe the type of progress I feel. Perhaps it isn't progress, perhaps its more of undoing of limitation.  Undoing the mental and emotional restrictions, I have placed on life.  What ever it is,  Today I am just a little more free!

In the next year or so my life is going to change in some very drastic ways and what can be the scariest thing is I really don't know what those changes will be, I just know they are coming in every area of my life I am at a place of transition, of some type of movement being the only option. Graduation, Living Situation changing, Relationship changing, much much more.


Next year, I could be married in a new house and a baby on the way or I could be single in a wonderful job enjoying lots of new experiences or anything in between.  But thats wild, I just don't know what my life will look like a year from now and unlike a lot of people I don't even have a clue of what it will look like.

The only thing I know is I am me.

What ever this change I feel (trust, confidence, faith) is and even if its only for the moment or for a few moments,  I look forward to watching it expand and feel more and more of it.  I am sure it will be tested, thats what life has been about for me, but all I can say is how I feel right now.  And right now I am just a little less scared of change and a little more free.  I don't know what life has in store for me but I know it will be interesting at the very least.  Big changes,  I think.


I just felt the urge to write tonight.

Life is OK.  :-)

My experience with Byron Katie

Today I attended a workshop, "Loving What Is" with Byron Katie.

I have been reading about Byron Katie and doing her work for a while now.

I have to say if you are not familiar with Byron Katie, most of her work is free at www.Thework.com.

A lot of things she says are so profound yet so simple its like having multiple aha moments at once listening just by listening to her.

"It's your thoughts that make you secure or insecure." -Byron Katie

Here is an example she has given.  If when you were little you thought your father was in his room, while you were in the kitchen.  You felt secure.  Even though wasn't in the same room with you and you couldn't see him. When really he left to the store without you realizing it and was hit by a truck.  But you still feel secure because you are believing he is in the other room.

Its the belief he is in the other room which makes you feel secure.  Not reality.  It goes the other way around as well.  Its your belief about reality that makes you feel stress, not reality itself.

Byron Katie has said "You can have a heart attack, thinking about how your going to die and you can't believe its happening to you and all the bad things that will follow.  Or you can have a heart attack, thinking how interesting, I am having a heart attack I wonder what happens next.  Either way you are having a heart attack, but you get to choose whether you do it in peace or not.

The best thing we can do is to learn to love reality.  When you love what is, you never suffer, no matter what happens.

We can reach this point by questioning our beliefs and thoughts.

I heard a statistic once that we have around 60,000 thoughts per day and 99% of them are the same thoughts we had the day before and something around that same percentage are the amount of thoughts that are untrue.

Think about this, think about any thought you have.  "I should be..................." Feel in the blank (ex. I should be doing laundry).  And find all the ways his isn't true, why its not true (Well I wouldn't be writing this blog).  However this is just to show how your thoughts can be false.  This is not how Byron Katie does inquiry and I will post her four questions of inquiry below.

Our reality is created by what we believe.  So do you believe thoughts that cause you pain or create peace.  If they cause you any discomfort you can use Byron Katie's The Work, to inquiry and see if they are true.  To find the truth, to find peace.


The work has really started to reshape the relationship that I have with my thoughts and Byron Katie has the most serving way of helping, by offering the work for free.  She even has a support line for free in order to help people with inquiry.

It doesn't hurt to try it.

Lots of love.

My intention for this life

My ultimate goal of my life is to come to a place where I love reality, enjoy the present, accept everyone and everything for who and what they are.

Most importantly to just love.   To be happy and loving.

The question is how do I get to this place and how do I get back when I have strayed of track?
This blog serves as a reminder.

The only thing I can do is continue with this intent, continue to observe myself, to contemplate, to focus on my own growth, to help others grow, and most importantly to come to love as soon as it is remembered.

I have noticed that I don't get as far off track of this as I used to.  I also come back to it much quicker each time and every time I come back to it, its deeper and clearer.

Although I accept that life will never be perfect, it is my intent to live in this loving place in life as much as possible.

I want to express love, Expect Miracles and Magic, and live in Joy and Gratitude, enjoying my life.

Get Happy

I just listened to a short video about being happy, which I included below.

Its so simple but so powerful.  The answer to everything is to get happy.  Do I go to the gym today?  Yes or No, which one will make me happy.  Do I go  to class today?  Yes or No, which one will make me happy.

It's not about what others think you should do or what you feel like doing.  You do what makes you happy.  Should I stay in this job?  Yes or No, which one will make me happy.

Not what is easy or hard.  But what makes you happy.  It's such a simple way to maneuver through life.

Just listening to the Video made me feel better, inspired and empowered.  Now contemplating the ideas and how it works in my life makes me feel even more wonderful.

I think some singing and dancing is long over do!




Lots of Love

The Greatest Manifestation Principle in the World Book Review. Greatest..... Really?

Is it really The Greatest Manifestation Principle in the World?

I just finished reading the book, The Greatest Manifestation Principle in the World by Carnelian Sage and when I first started reading the book I was going to throw it away.

The first two and half chapters of the book are negative and pretty much do nothing but attack the some of the teachings of the Law of Attraction.

I have to agree that the Law of Attraction is just a very basic level of metaphysics and spirituality. However, most people who are first introduced to the movie, The Secret or any other principles of the law of attraction usually have never considered the fact that they can even choose the thoughts they think.

I think the current ideas of law of attraction and even the movie, The Secret, definitely has its place. I may not completely agree with everything but I can say I LOVE what it is doing. These things are the start of people becoming conscious of their thoughts and focusing on personal and spiritual growth, this alone is worth ANY of the slight disagreements some may have with it.

That being said I am so glad I was at the gym so and decided to continue reading the book Carnelian Sage wrote, The greatest manifestation principle in the world, because what unfolded after the first two chapters was absolutely perfect.

I really wish she would have removed the negative from the book and just spoke of the principle, however I do feel the rest of the book is completely worth getting through the first two chapters or even skipping them.

I 100% agree with the principle Carnelian speaks of in her book. She includes a very powerful exercise which seems too simple, to have any result at all. Yet I tried it, all the while with my ego screaming, "Why bother, nothing ever works for you." But I did the exercise anyways and I was grateful I did. The immediate impact this exercise is worth the entire book alone.

I highly recommend the book, just skip the first two chapters. I won't give away her secrets but for those who know me, I will give you a hint. It's what I tend to speak about as my truth or true self. :o) Carnelian just makes it so direct and simple.

Enjoy!

Living Life With A Purpose

Do you know what the purpose of your life is?

In my opinion its what you make it. And if you don't take the time to create or define your life purpose, then your living a life for no defined purpose and with no direction.

I believe spiritually we have a purpose whether we are consciously aware of it or not. However, consciously choosing a purpose for your life can have huge benefits.

Most people without a purpose will fall into a routine of survival or just getting by. I don't know about you but but at least for me,I certainly don't want to live that way. I have bigger aspirations that "just getting by".

When we define our life purpose, it can change many things. Every time we make a decision, we make it based on a purpose rather than what mood we are in that day, or how secure or confident we feel that day, or any of the hundreds of other reasons our decisions vary from day to day.

When you consciously have a purpose for your life, it has an impact on your thoughts, decisions, actions, and creates motivation.

I believe that there is one more very important reason to have a life purpose!!!!!

Have you ever paid attention to how many thoughts you have a day? Our thoughts and beliefs create our reality! So if you give the power of your thoughts over to chance or whatever they default to, you have NO POWER in what type of life you create.

Here is the definition:

Purpose: An anticipated outcome that is intended or that guides your planned actions.

Even in this definition you can see how powerful a purpose is, let alone a LIFE PURPOSE.

Its easy to find a life purpose and it can change over time, there are many different exercises to help us clearly define what our life purpose is. It could be as simple as asking yourself what your purpose is? This is not what anyone else thinks your purpose is and its not what you have been told your purpose is. Its your life purpose that you decide and choose to live for.

My favorite way of finding life's purpose is to write about it until you almost want to cry or you get emotional about it. Some people have a specific question to ask over and over again until you feel emotional, etc. However I think just writing about your thoughts and feeling in regards to your life purpose will eventually lead you there.

What drives you? What excites you? What would make you wake up everyday with a smile on your face? Think Big! And remember to be Authentic.

Life purpose's can evolve and they will. At first it might not be too clear or defined and as you start making choices according to your purpose and follow that path, the purpose will evolve and become more and more clear.

Give your thoughts a direction, take some responsibility and power in the life you create!

What is your life purpose?

Seeking Approval and Needing Love

I believe most of us go through life wanting to be understand, accepted, loved, cherished, or acknowledged, just to name a few.

Is this wrong? Of course not, but does it allow for a happy, fulfilling life?

NO

Actually in my opinion it makes it impossible. It is impossible to feel any one of these things from even one person all of the time. If this is what we seek, we will always be disappointed at some time or another. Most likely more than not.

It is obvious the degree in which we seek these things vary from person, day, situations, and to time in our lives, however I think we do it so much it has become subconscious. We smile a little bigger than we truly feel, don't interrupt people even when we want, we have an automatic answer to how we are doing, we pretend to care about everyones dramas, we don't call people on their lies, ..... I can go on forever but if you look deeply as why we do these things, its because of how we think we might look to another person.

How would the world be if everyone walked around being 100% authentic. Only saying "I love you", when you absolutely feel it, only smiling when it comes from so deep within that you couldn't stop it if you wanted to, fully expressing that you feel crappy when your having a crappy day, etc..

Byron Katie's work has brought this to my attention and now that I have been aware of it, I have noticed how ingrained it is. At least within myself. I have come to a few realizations.

I notice I pretend behaviors when I know people are looking at me, stand differently, talk differently, I'm polite when I am not even aware that I am saying it (Thank you, Excuse me), stand taller, "appear" confident, pretend not to care, etc.. And this mostly just to people I don't really know and will probably never see again.

And the act is amplified when we are around people in which we want or need something from, especially emotionally. Once you have a need from someone I can almost 100% guarantee that that our behaviors become almost impossible to keep authentic at all times. It could be anything from, not saying what is one your mind knowing you would piss them off, trying to please them, trying to keep them from getting angry, lying completely to avoid hurting their feelings, etc..

And we do these things because we fear losing what we want from them. Most of the time it comes down to their love. But yet these people can't truly love US, if we are not being our true US. Let me say that again in another way. Someone can not love YOU, if you are not being YOU. Someone can not truly love ME for me, If I am not being ME!

If you are pretending AT ALL, even if the person responds with love you will not completely feel it because they are responding to a false YOU, a pretend YOU and whether you consciously realize this or not, it effects how you feel.

As long as we are not being our true selves we can not FEEL the love we yearn for.

As long as we are not expressing ourselves authentically we can not be truly understood.

In this understanding I have come to the conclusion that the only love and approval we need is our own.

Ask yourself , "What would I do in this moment so that I would approve of myself?" NO ONE ELSE.

"What would I do in this situation that is me Loving myself?" "What can I do to Love myself?"

We do not need to impress, please, or gain approval from our family, friends, lovers, spouse, children, co-workers, strangers, authority figures, or anyone.

The only approval YOU need is your own.

That is why it is said that "You can not love anyone until you love yourself", in my opinion this is because if you do not love yourself you are seeking it from another. And if you are seeking something from someone, you can not possibly be giving them something. Your motive is to get.

Exercise:

Next time you become aware of any moment in which you are concerned with how someone else sees or feels about you, stop for a moment and ask how you see or what you feel about yourself. Then take action accordingly.

Enjoy your day. You are the only You.

P.S. I wanted to make it clarify that I don't feel that this discovering is a bad thing.  Actually writing this blog felt very empowering and authentic.  I believe consciously realizing that the only person I really need to focus on love and approval of is of my own felt really liberating.  This is not to imply a selfishness or lack of love for others.  Actually its quite the contrary.  When I don't need love from others, I am free to truly Love them for who they are.  Without my own needs and expectations.  The more I fulfill my own need for love and approval the more I am able to freely love others.

What do you use your mind for?

Do you use your mind to bring you pain or do you use it to bring you joy?

When focusing on what we don't want, not only are we in ego, fearing something that has not happened yet, you are using your mind to create pain for you as well as produce a life of undesired manifestations.

Or you can choose to focus on what you want to create, align yourself with how the creator would think (which remember with God all things are possible) and enjoy your thoughts, which will produce a life of desired manifestations.

It's that simple of a concept.

Think of your thoughts as workers. Are you using your workers to produce things in which you want or things in which you don't want.

You attract that in which you ARE. You ARE what you think about.

Taking the time every day to contemplate and consciously redirect our thoughts to things we wish to create, not only helps us create a life more desirable but it also is more pleasurable in the moment of the thought.

Either way we don't know if either thought is absolutely true. The one in which we desire or the one in which we do not desire. However it makes sense if one of these feels better to think about and also puts us closer to attracting it into our lives, to choose that thought. It makes no sense to choose the thought that makes us miserable and only attracts more in which we do not desire.

It's about making a conscious effort to keep redirecting our thoughts onto which we wish to create. And it helps to remind ourselves that with God anything is possible (as I wrote about in my last blog). Helpful questions to realign our thoughts are, "What would God do?" Or "What would God think?" or "How would God feel?", etc..

Aligning ourselves to the way God thinks... Anything is possible, Focused only on Love and Understanding, Knowing everything is perfect, etc. immediately gives us a more joyful life.

And if you doubt this fact, think about this, "Tomorrow is going to be a very bad day."

How did that make you feel?

Now think, "Tomorrow is going to be a Wonderful day."

Now how did that feel?

The effects are IMMEDIATE. Why would you choose anything different?

I said it was simple, not easy. But sooooo worth the practice!

Think like God thinks.

With God all things are possible.

This is what saves me. This is what pulls me out of ego, ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE. But what does this really mean.

Well if Anything is possible, then thinking like God thinks would mean there are no reasons why life can't be exactly as we want it. But most of the time it isn't....... So now what?

This is because we don't and I certainly don't think like GOD thinks. I have to remind myself constantly that all things are possible. And still do I truly believe it?

I think that if we thought like God thought every second of every day, we would be happy, anything WOULD be possible, and life would be amazing, amusing, and fun.

If only there was a way to remember this every few seconds. Think like God thinks.

I know if I did I would have more patience while driving. I would smile more. I would have more patience with everyone in my life. I wouldn't feel so frustrated when people made decisions that I disagreed with. I wouldn't feel like I NEEDED to do anything. I would watch everything in life with amazement. I would love without wanting anything from anyone. I wouldn't need anyone or anything to be different than they already are.

Is this too tall of an order to ask of a person living in this physical world playing the game of Life?

Is it possible to think like God thinks? Would it take years of meditating, discipline and practice in order to even come close to living in this manner.

Am I setting myself up to fail by even considering this being possible? Is it possible for you? Is it possible for others?

At times just saying, "Anything is Possible" can completely change my thinking, but at other times I am filled with nothing more than doubt. To think like God thinks would be an absence of all doubt.

Maybe its about finding something powerful enough that works for each one of us individually. I have heard many religious people use the phrase "What would Jesus do?" Which may work for them.

I wonder what would work for me. What do you think would work for you?

"What would love do?", "What would source do?", "What would God do?", "What would Spirit do?".

It would have to be powerful enough to really transform your thoughts in the midst of the dramatic ego controlling your thoughts and actions.

All these words mean the same thing to me (Love, God, Source, Spirit), yet depending on how they are used each one carries a different power.

It would be an accomplishment if I even succeeded at remembering this a few times a day, let alone all day.

Maybe I could actually make this a part of my life and not just another concept I would "like" to adapt but never really come to light.

Instead of focusing on "trying" to make this a part of my life, maybe a better intention is to remind others that, "With God all things are possible, and what would God do" with whatever circumstances they are facing.

It's another practical way to go beyond the ego and come from the place inside us that is Spirit, to come from our hearts, reconnecting us with Source. I guess thats always the intention. I have noticed that when I am coming from my heart (Spirit), I am happy and joyful. When I am in a place that is dominated by ego is when I experience suffering and pain.

It is such a powerful practice to "Think like God thinks" and come from that place within us.

My intention is not only to remember to live from that place myself but to help others do the same.

If you receive a text, an email, a tweet, or even more blogs about this don't be surprised.

ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE

Negative Feelings Towards Others, People who cause harm, lie, control, and manipulate.

The second half of this can be very powerful should you choose to read it.

I uncovered some very ugly feelings towards some people in my life and around me.

One of them I feel is vital to let go of and move beyond because this person will always be a part of my life.

I am well aware that these feelings which I have formed and housed within myself do not serve me and my intention is to release and heal them.

Many of the feelings I have inside me for other people have a common theme. All these people tend to lie, manipulate, and are not authentic. I do not know who they really are and I am inclined to believe they do not know themselves either.

I have tried going to a place of at least feeling pity for these type of people. Pity would be a step up from the anger and disgust I feel when I think about it.

Let me explain (Bare with me it won't stay negative, It helps to clarify what I am speaking about)

I don't understand why anyone would change who they are and what they say every moment in order to convince, control, or manipulate a situation. I know many many people including myself have resorted to tactics of manipulation. I am not discussing that here. I am speaking of extreme cases. Where these people are doing it 24-7. The type of people who will walk over anyone to get what they want. The type of people who will smile at you and pretend to care but are walking away trying to deceive you in some way and would the second it would benefit them. The type of people that lie so much they don't know what the truth is. They use anything they can to control people and manipulate people to do what they want. They judge people and will not hesitate to harm someone as long as that person has nothing to offer them. In order for these type of people to continue to care or "be nice" to you, you must have something to offer them or something they want from you. They talk badly about everyone in their life to others, everyone is wrong and bad and they will produce stories in order to convince others of this.

I am tempted to use names to describe these people as fake, liars, etc... But I know that these are not who these people are deep down, these are just behaviors. Behaviors I seem to have major issues with, nontheless they are just behaviors.

I can't seem to understand these people. My intention is to love all through their decisions and find only understanding and compassion. This has proved to be a challenge at this point for me. I don't understand why anyone would hurt others. How anyone could be so shut off and selfish that they constantly harm others with only care of themselves. Their love is always conditional, they seem to love but deep inside they have lots of reasons why the person they love is bad and they can't stand them. They will not show this as long as they have something they want from the person they express love for. I don't understand why people would lie and make up stories. I don't understand why most people don't call people on this type of behavior. I am sure most people here know of a person like this and it is so obvious to us who these people have chosen to be and what choices they chose to make. Yet most of us say nothing, we walk away when we love ourselves enough but no one seems to say anything. These people have no idea how obvious their behavior is.

I have several people in my life like this. At one level I am angry and disgusted with people like this. I just don't understand why someone would choose to live their life this way and how someone could treat other people with such disregard and disrespect, even just another human being, let alone someone they "pretend" to care about.

At another level I have found pity. I feel sorry, no one will ever see the true person they are. Can you imagine how lonely that is, not knowing yourself and NO ONE ever REALLY knowing you? I feel so bad that these people feel they need to lie, control, and manipulate in order to feel loved and important. I can't imagine what type of thoughts they have going on inside their minds.

They cause such harm and pain in most peoples lives that they have a role in. Yet it is my only intention to see these people with love and for the people they are deep inside. I must move past my own pain and stories I have within myself that relate to these people in my life. My pain is my own, my story is my own, these people may not ever change yet I have the ability to heal my pain, remove my story and find understanding and compassion for these people and everyone like them.

They are unique expressions of god and are nothing less than beautiful light that have been covered by their limiting thoughts, habits, and actions. Their deep love of who they are is nothing less than the love from anyone else. Their hurtful actions are merely my egos interpretation of what their ego should or should not be doing.

It is only out of their programming that they do what they do. They only want love, they have forgotten that they are love and they don't need to lie, manipulate, control or pretend in order to get love.

I choose to work on seeing these people only from a place of love, compassion and understanding.

Their love does not stop, only the egos idea of expressing the love that they have. Whether they choose harmful actions or not, deep inside that love is the same. They are very disconnected from spirit, but that is who they are, not their ego.

I can choose not to allow these types of people with these behaviors to have a role or impact in my life but I can still choose to love them anyway.

No one is ever doing anything to me, my spirit. It is merely their ego doing it to themselves.

I choose to focus on and strengthen this truth inside myself, inside my perception of these people, inside all that I love, inside everyone I see.

I choose to see the light in all beings, I choose to see past the handicap behavior of the ego, I choose to see love in all, I choose to see god in everyone.

I choose to see that these spirits have such dominating and strong egos who completely hide them, so I choose to have compassion for them and seek to speak and respond only to the spirit inside them, not their ego.

EVERY EGO IS ALWAYS DOING THE BEST IS WAS TAUGHT TO DO. IT IS NEVER PERSONAL.

Unimagined, Enjoy life!

All I can say is I am very impressed, we never know what life is going to hand us. 

Dreams come true everyday.  Honestly its more important to be ready for them. 

We think we want certain things and when they come our way, most of us would have no idea how to receive it or accept it.  Myself included. Bigger things than I could of desired are falling into my lap and I have no idea how to deal with that. <- Imagine that!

I have no idea what the future has in store for me, NONE.  I am scared, excited, anxious and most of all impressed.  

I can say, "EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON."  

One day little by little it just all starts making sense.  Just know that everything you are doing today and I mean everything, has a purpose for the future.  Its all tied together.  

We never know what those things are.  We just never know. 

Stop Worrying, Start living. 

Quick Reality Check:

People you love are going to die, you will lose things you love and are attached to. Kids will grow up and have their own lives.  Friends will move away.  Jobs will be lost. People will fall in love.  Babies (miracles) will be born.  Businesses will be created. Things will come along in your life that you never knew possible.  Opportunities will come out of the sky.  Life will never be what you plan it to be, so stop planning! 

And start enjoying!

Right now my life is SOOOOO unpredictable.  Everything is coming together, yet it all was ripped apart.  How can that be, but trust me, it is!!!!!!!!!!!! It could of never happened the way I imagined the way I desired, nor would I have wanted it to.  I wouldn't trade this in and I couldn't of imagined my life as it is now, EVER. 

"The course of life is unpredictable. No one can write their autobiography in advance." 

- Abraham J Heschel

My new life coaching website.

Well after months of trying to get this together, I have a draft of my site up.   It is not fully functional but it is progress.  

I am excited to watch this evolve.  I did it myself and I had no knowledge of graphic design or web design.  So it is definitely something! 

www.straightforwardlifecoach.com

I am open to all feedback and suggestions. 

Love and Light, 

Tiffany

Planning and Living

Nice concept, right? 

Recently my life and my future has been ripped out from the roots or so I thought.   

No matter how much, "It's for the best.", or that I even did it (or did I), Letting go of comfort and of the known is a scary freakin feeling. 

Before me lies a blank piece of paper and I get to write my future on it.  As much as we all think we want it (be careful what you ask for), when you have it, it can be.... very scary to say the least. 

No matter how much planning I have done, no matter how much work, manifesting, asking, praying, controling, wishing, intending, begging, bargaining, pushing, pulling, and forcing I have done, my life is nothing like I antipated.  Today is nothing like I thought it would be,  Not even from a year ago and certaintly not what I was planning for five years ago.  Not one thing in my life is as I thought, wanted, planned, or wished for five years ago.  Nor do I have the same desires for it to be so.  

So why do we push so hard for what we THINK we want in our future.  Because I guarantee it won't happen that and way, and more importantly when the future arrives you won't want what you did now. 

Now lay before me, a blank piece of paper.  This is freedom, I have before me freedom, real freedom and yet I don't know what to do with it. Its scary, its new, its unpredictable.  

When most of us obtain the freedom we seek, we look back and wish we still had out ties.  Because being free is scary, the future unknown.  So we create more ties out of fear, we actually want to be tied down.  As much as fight against it, we want nothing more than to have it even if its unpleasant ones because at least we can see tomorrow.  But that is all false because no matter how many ties, attachments, creations you have today, I guarantee they will not be what you think they will be in a year let alone five. 

Shall I start marking my piece of paper?  Shall I start giving it a direction, that will make me feel secure, that will make me feel like I know.  But I don't....  No matter what color I put on that paper, it will change into another, no matter how hard I try to keep it that color.  Change is inevitable.  So instead of trying to force color on my blank piece of paper, out of fear out of needing some familarity why not allow the paper to stay blank.  Let it color itself in the moment. 

I look back at all the ways I contained myself over the years in order to obtain what I thought I wanted.  Did you know I no longer want that, I want beyond it.  I suppressed my desires, my expressions, my mistakes only in hopes of creating the perfect future that I had painted in my mind.  

I guess what I am saying is I made decisions, said things and done things according to what I thought I wanted in the future.  Except that future never came,  that idea of what I wanted doesn't exist anymore.  Now all those actions where taken in order to create something today where there is no longer a desire for it be created.  

Can you guys understand this?  Do you guys understand how significant this is?  Next time someone tells you to act rationally, say f*ck it.  Life is not predictable.  Sure play it safe.   Stay in a job you hate, because you don't have the time to pursue your true desire, and risk never waking up with a smile on your face excited to go to work.  Stay with a man that is there, because you are scared you won't find anything better and are scared to be alone, why he isn't that bad anyways, and risk never living your life with the person who makes you feel loved and you have passion with every minute of the day.  Tell your kids to be quiet, mold them into perfect well behaved children, because you might look like a bad parent as they burst out screaming with laughter and play in an innappropriate place, and risk suppressing your children from who they truly are and creating a life of pain and misery.  Don't ask that person out, they might say no, and risk them being the ONE who dramatically changes your life.  

"Live boldly."   So much easier said than done.  Or hell do what I did, ask the source for freedom, ask the source to truly live your life with joy and excitement everyday and trust me you will be given nothing more than opportunities to truly be free, you will have no other choice. 

Go ahead play it safe.  I know I sure have.  And when your on your death bed remember how many minutes you lived planning for a future that never came.  

Here is your chance, your chance to truly live.  Because I promise you, 

TOMORROW WILL NOT CONSIST OF WHAT YOU ARE PLANNING IT TO BE. 

Think about today, how many things happened today that you had no clue and you couldn't have predicted would happen. 

I knew I would take my son to school today, I knew I would go to work.  I didn't know what song was going to play on the radio and set my mood for the day.  I didn't know each and every person that was going to walk into my work.  I had no idea that my friend was going to say the things she said to me.  I had no idea the interactions I was going to have,  the emails I was going to receive, the phone calls I was going to get, the news I was going to get.   Are we seriously going to spend our day tomorrow planning for the next day when 99% of what we plan for is not going to happen? 

This is scary, this is exciting, this is freeing, and this is eye opening.  

I am scared sh*tless.  It's time to wake up and start living, at least for me it is.  And to be honest right now I have no other choice.  I have a BLANK piece of paper. 

Take risks, stop playing it safe, stop being cautious.  Start speaking the truth, living the truth and f*ck anyone who doesn't like it (thats said with love).  

IT'S TIME TO LIVE!!!!!!!!!!

Boy what a huge statement to live up to.  I better be careful, the universe is listening. 

I could throw myself a pity party, my life is taking a huge gigantic turn, get mad.  It didn't turn out the way I planned it to.  But do I really want it to?  Or I can get excited about what this means, it means growth, it means new adventures, it means I get to be surprised.  

I have always wanted to have profound pleasant surprises in my life.  You know those wonderful things that happen to you that you could never imagine happening to you and they are so amazing. 

I guess my point is, NOW I have no other option other than to face the fact that I don't know what tomorrow holds for me.  But in this lesson I have learned, we NEVER know what tomorrow holds for us, we only think we do.